Random Funnies Thread

[dexter]

God bless people of Walmart.com

[GuingesRock]

I was in Walmart the other week. I had my 4 year old suspended above the seat of a shopping cart, holding him in my extended arms, in the process of lowering him into the seat, and this big disgruntled looking woman who could hardly move, came up, swiped the cart from underneath him and waddled off with it

[bluenose]

Wasn't sure if this should go hear or under classifieds
http://newbrunswick.kijiji.ca/c-ViewAd? ... 2BFacebook

[GuingesRock]

Wasn't sure if this should go hear or under classifieds
http://newbrunswick.kijiji.ca/c-ViewAd? ... 2BFacebook

He gets the RDWHAHB award....(I wonder if he is a home brewer).

[bluenose]

The Masters of Trolling
http://www.lolxpix.com/the-masters-of-trolling/23/

[sleepyjamie]

I was in Walmart in Calgary here a few weeks ago and there was a guy huffing axe body spray from the shelves

[dean2k]

[canuck]

LMAO!! Definitely has some truth to it as well.

http://www.techdirt.com/articles/201303 ... like.shtml" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[Tony L]

http://imgur.com/8sl3XHn" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[Tony L]

1. Understanding Engineers One:

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus
when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday,
minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike,
threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you
want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the
clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

2. Understanding Engineers Two:

To the optimist, the glass is half-full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

3. Understanding Engineers Three:

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been
waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept
golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word
with him."
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind
firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year,
so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer
for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

4. Understanding Engineers Four:

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil
engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons.
Civil engineers build targets.

5. Understanding Engineers Five:

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it
cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with
that?"

6. Understanding Engineers Six:

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who
must have designed the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the
joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system
has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it must have been a civil engineer.
Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

7. Understanding Engineers Seven:

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough
features yet.

8. Understanding Engineers Eight:

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to
him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He
bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back
into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do
anything you want.
Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool.

[LeafMan66_67]

Gotta love engineering jokes!

[TimG]

Ha, #3 gave me a bit of a chuckle

[dexter]

[gm-]

Frederictonians are classy!
http://fredericton.kijiji.ca/c-communit ... Z524754867

[jeffsmith]

Frederictonians are classy!
http://fredericton.kijiji.ca/c-communit ... Z524754867

[bluenose]

awesome... must be a sendup, but I love the plot twist

[GAM]

Frederictonians are classy!
http://fredericton.kijiji.ca/c-communit ... Z524754867

http://fredericton.kijiji.ca/c-PostersO ... dZ78119893" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Look at the other posts.

Sandy

[mr x]

http://saintjohn.kijiji.ca/c-buy-and-se ... Z533849471" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[jeffsmith]

http://saintjohn.kijiji.ca/c-buy-and-se ... Z533849471

That's one of the best ones I've seen lately.

[dexter]

http://youtu.be/JcRHUOTNobE" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
Triumph the dog at gabf

[GAM]

I wish he had found Chalmers and LD.

Sandy

[Tony L]

Proofreading is a Dying Art these days!

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.
I just couldn't help but send this along. Too funny.
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Really? Ya think?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!

---------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
---------------------------------------------------------------

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's! They must be UNION !
------------------------------------------------------

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
----------------------------------------------------------

War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
----------------------------------------------------------------

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
----------------------------------------------------------------

Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
----------------------------------------------------------

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
----------------------------------------------

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?!
-----------------------------------------------

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!
---------------- ---------------------------------

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
****************************************

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
***************************************************

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
*******************************************

And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Did I read that right?
***************************************************

[Tony L]

A young cowboy from Regina goes off to college in Ontario .
Half way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money.
He calls home.
"Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing!
They actually have a program here in Waterloo that will teach our dog, Ol' Blue how to talk!"
"That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?"
"Just send him down here with $1,000" the young cowboy says. "I'll get him in the course."
So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.

About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out.
The boy calls home.
"So how's Ol' Blue doing son?" his father asks.
"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this -
they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!"
"Read!?" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?"
"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."

The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem.
At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read.
So he shoots the dog.
When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited.
"Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!"
"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home,
Ol' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading Shakespeare, like he usually does.
Then he turned to me and asked, "So, is your daddy still messing around with that little blonde who lives down the street?"
The father exclaimed, "I hope you shot that SOB before he talks to your mother!"
"I sure did, Dad!"
"That's my boy!"
The kid went on to law school, and now serves in Ottawa as a Senator.

[canuck]

LMAO!


http://newbrunswick.kijiji.ca/c-buy-and ... Z539875628" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[GAM]

LMAO!


http://newbrunswick.kijiji.ca/c-buy-and ... Z539875628" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

It's gone.

Sandy