Random Funnies Thread

Talk anything non-beer related
Post Reply
User avatar
bluenose
Verified User
Verified User
Posts: 1984
Joined: Tue Dec 20, 2011 8:49 pm
Location: New Glasgow

Re: Random Funnies Thread

Post by bluenose » Thu Feb 07, 2013 5:12 pm

Senior Sex

The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

Yes, she says, "I remember it well."

OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,

"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."

:banana: :banana: :banana:
This is my signature. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

User avatar
LiverDance
Award Winner 6
Award Winner 6
Posts: 4013
Joined: Fri Sep 24, 2010 4:50 pm
Name: Brian
Location: Sprybeeria

Re: Random Funnies Thread

Post by LiverDance » Tue Feb 12, 2013 3:16 pm

:lol:
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.
"Twenty years ago — a time, by the way, that hops such as Simcoe and Citra were already being developed, but weren’t about to find immediate popularity — there wasn’t a brewer on earth who would have gone to the annual Hop Growers of American convention and said, “I’m going to have a beer that we make 4,000 barrels of, one time a year. It flies off the shelf at damn near $20 a six-pack, and you know what it smells like? It smells like your cat ate your weed and then pissed in the Christmas tree.” - Bell’s Brewery Director of Operations John Mallet on the scent of their popular Hopslam.

User avatar
Tony L
Award Winner 10
Award Winner 10
Posts: 1848
Joined: Fri Jul 15, 2011 8:04 pm
Location: Heart's Delight, NL

Re: Random Funnies Thread

Post by Tony L » Tue Feb 12, 2013 6:30 pm

DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS


Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and family values.

Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?'

Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'



___________________________________________

A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my
intelligence come from?'

The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, ‘cause I still have mine.'



___________________________________________

'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the Divorce Court judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,'

'That's very fair, your honour,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'

___________________________________________



A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'

'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'

___________________________________________



An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.'

The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'

___________________________________________



Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:

1. The DNA all matches.

2. There are no dental records.

___________________________________________



A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?'

The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'

'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.

___________________________________________



Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.

'How was he killed?' asked one detective.

'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.

'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?'

'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'

___________________________________________



Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'

Joe: 'Really?'

Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.'

___________________________________________




A man is recovering from surgery when the surgical nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.

'I'm O. K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,' he answered.

'What did he say,' asked the nurse.

'Oops!'

___________________________________________



While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.

'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'

'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.'

He's still in intensive care.

___________________________________________



The graveside service just barely finished when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance...

The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there.'

User avatar
bluenose
Verified User
Verified User
Posts: 1984
Joined: Tue Dec 20, 2011 8:49 pm
Location: New Glasgow

Re: Random Funnies Thread

Post by bluenose » Wed Feb 13, 2013 12:49 am

the last one was the best :cheers:
This is my signature. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

User avatar
Tony L
Award Winner 10
Award Winner 10
Posts: 1848
Joined: Fri Jul 15, 2011 8:04 pm
Location: Heart's Delight, NL

Re: Random Funnies Thread

Post by Tony L » Sun Feb 17, 2013 7:54 am

How the Government works:

A guy stopped at a local gas station & after filling his tank, he paid the
bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and
watched a couple of men working along the roadside.

One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on.The other man came along behind him and filled in the hole. While one
was digging a new hole, the other was 25 feet behind filling in thehole.The men worked right past the guy with the soft drink and went on down
the road. "I can't stand this," said the man tossing the can into a trash container and heading down the road toward the men."Hold it, hold it," he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on
here with all this digging and refilling?""Well, we work for the government and we're just doing our job," one of the
men said. "But one of you is digging a hole and the other fills it up. You're not accomplishing anything. Aren't you wasting the taxpayers' money?"

"You don't understand, mister," one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. "Normally there's three of us: me, Elmer and Leroy. I dig the hole, Elmer sticks in the tree, and Leroy here puts the dirt back.Elmer's job's been cut... so now it's just me an' Leroy.

User avatar
LeafMan66_67
Award Winner 2
Award Winner 2
Posts: 4600
Joined: Fri Mar 02, 2012 7:10 am
Name: Derek Stapleton
Location: Lower Sackville, NS

Re: Random Funnies Thread

Post by LeafMan66_67 » Sun Feb 17, 2013 8:16 am

Tony L wrote:How the Government works:
:lol:
"He was a wise man who invented beer." - Plato

User avatar
akr71
Award Winner 4
Award Winner 4
Posts: 2644
Joined: Fri Sep 24, 2010 7:18 pm
Name: Andy
Location: Amherst, NS

Re: Random Funnies Thread

Post by akr71 » Mon Feb 18, 2013 10:05 am

Tony L wrote:How the Government works:
As a civil servant, this hurts. Not because I find it offensive, but because it is too close to the truth. :crazy:
Andy
"Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for Daddies, and kids with fake IDs." - Homer J. Simpson

User avatar
LiverDance
Award Winner 6
Award Winner 6
Posts: 4013
Joined: Fri Sep 24, 2010 4:50 pm
Name: Brian
Location: Sprybeeria

Re: Random Funnies Thread

Post by LiverDance » Tue Mar 05, 2013 2:24 pm

What deep thinkers men are...

I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.

The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking on various topics.

Finally I thought about an age old question:

Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?

Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.
Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion.
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "it might be nice to have another child."

On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."

I rest my case.

Time for another beer.
"Twenty years ago — a time, by the way, that hops such as Simcoe and Citra were already being developed, but weren’t about to find immediate popularity — there wasn’t a brewer on earth who would have gone to the annual Hop Growers of American convention and said, “I’m going to have a beer that we make 4,000 barrels of, one time a year. It flies off the shelf at damn near $20 a six-pack, and you know what it smells like? It smells like your cat ate your weed and then pissed in the Christmas tree.” - Bell’s Brewery Director of Operations John Mallet on the scent of their popular Hopslam.

User avatar
Tony L
Award Winner 10
Award Winner 10
Posts: 1848
Joined: Fri Jul 15, 2011 8:04 pm
Location: Heart's Delight, NL

Re: Random Funnies Thread

Post by Tony L » Tue Mar 05, 2013 7:57 pm

ROTFLMAO.

Don't ever recall wanting another kick in the nuts.

User avatar
Dirt Chicken
Verified User
Verified User
Posts: 971
Joined: Sat Dec 17, 2011 8:00 pm
Name: Paul

Re: Random Funnies Thread

Post by Dirt Chicken » Thu Mar 07, 2013 12:15 pm

http://www.dailyhaha.com/_flash/Fart_Fart_Game.htm" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

this actually exists!!

User avatar
LiverDance
Award Winner 6
Award Winner 6
Posts: 4013
Joined: Fri Sep 24, 2010 4:50 pm
Name: Brian
Location: Sprybeeria

Re: Random Funnies Thread

Post by LiverDance » Thu Mar 07, 2013 5:44 pm

YopkHLC.jpg
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.
"Twenty years ago — a time, by the way, that hops such as Simcoe and Citra were already being developed, but weren’t about to find immediate popularity — there wasn’t a brewer on earth who would have gone to the annual Hop Growers of American convention and said, “I’m going to have a beer that we make 4,000 barrels of, one time a year. It flies off the shelf at damn near $20 a six-pack, and you know what it smells like? It smells like your cat ate your weed and then pissed in the Christmas tree.” - Bell’s Brewery Director of Operations John Mallet on the scent of their popular Hopslam.

User avatar
Becky
Verified User
Verified User
Posts: 259
Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 3:03 pm
Location: Halifax, NS

Re: Random Funnies Thread

Post by Becky » Thu Mar 07, 2013 9:13 pm

.
people-mcnuggets.jpg
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.

User avatar
jeffsmith
Verified User
Verified User
Posts: 4922
Joined: Tue Apr 26, 2011 4:18 pm
Name: Jeff Smith
Location: Amherst, NS
Contact:

Re: Random Funnies Thread

Post by jeffsmith » Thu Mar 07, 2013 9:49 pm

:lol:

User avatar
Jimmy
Site Admin Award Winner
Site Admin Award Winner
Posts: 6984
Joined: Wed Sep 22, 2010 6:35 pm
Location: Halifax, NS

Re: Random Funnies Thread

Post by Jimmy » Fri Mar 08, 2013 4:19 pm

UyETCeC.jpg
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.

User avatar
Jimmy
Site Admin Award Winner
Site Admin Award Winner
Posts: 6984
Joined: Wed Sep 22, 2010 6:35 pm
Location: Halifax, NS

Re: Random Funnies Thread

Post by Jimmy » Fri Mar 08, 2013 4:23 pm

xDEmM3C.gif
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.

User avatar
Dirt Chicken
Verified User
Verified User
Posts: 971
Joined: Sat Dec 17, 2011 8:00 pm
Name: Paul

Re: Random Funnies Thread

Post by Dirt Chicken » Fri Mar 08, 2013 8:29 pm

Jimmy wrote:
xDEmM3C.gif
Pocket-posts are really funny Jimmy

Sent from my SGH-T989D using Tapatalk 2

User avatar
Jimmy
Site Admin Award Winner
Site Admin Award Winner
Posts: 6984
Joined: Wed Sep 22, 2010 6:35 pm
Location: Halifax, NS

Re: Random Funnies Thread

Post by Jimmy » Fri Mar 08, 2013 8:34 pm

Huh?

Sent from my Android using Tapatalk.

User avatar
Jimmy
Site Admin Award Winner
Site Admin Award Winner
Posts: 6984
Joined: Wed Sep 22, 2010 6:35 pm
Location: Halifax, NS

Re: Random Funnies Thread

Post by Jimmy » Sun Mar 10, 2013 10:14 pm

Image

User avatar
Jimmy
Site Admin Award Winner
Site Admin Award Winner
Posts: 6984
Joined: Wed Sep 22, 2010 6:35 pm
Location: Halifax, NS

Re: Random Funnies Thread

Post by Jimmy » Sun Mar 10, 2013 10:14 pm

Image

User avatar
ethier.sc
Verified User
Verified User
Posts: 134
Joined: Sat May 05, 2012 10:11 am
Name: Steve Ethier
Location: Dartmouth, NS

Re: Random Funnies Thread

Post by ethier.sc » Wed Mar 13, 2013 7:46 pm

Some Halifax kids giving the google street view car a little more than they expected.

http://t.co/uGI6AA0Tzb" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

User avatar
Graham.C
Verified User
Verified User
Posts: 1900
Joined: Wed Aug 10, 2011 12:35 pm
Name: Graham Clark
Location: Ottawa ON

Re: Random Funnies Thread

Post by Graham.C » Wed Mar 13, 2013 9:13 pm

ethier.sc wrote:Some Halifax kids giving the google street view car a little more than they expected.

http://t.co/uGI6AA0Tzb" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
:lol:
Is this the digital age version of writing a swear word in the pavement?
-Graham

User avatar
bluenose
Verified User
Verified User
Posts: 1984
Joined: Tue Dec 20, 2011 8:49 pm
Location: New Glasgow

Re: Random Funnies Thread

Post by bluenose » Fri Mar 15, 2013 9:39 am

I'd try a bottle of this:

http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/bql
This is my signature. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

User avatar
Dirt Chicken
Verified User
Verified User
Posts: 971
Joined: Sat Dec 17, 2011 8:00 pm
Name: Paul

Re: Random Funnies Thread

Post by Dirt Chicken » Sat Mar 23, 2013 7:31 pm

Two businesses that obviously work well together...
uploadfromtaptalk1364077997300.jpg
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.

chalmers
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 5604
Joined: Thu Sep 23, 2010 4:17 pm
Name: Chris
Location: Halifax / On The Road Again
Contact:

Re: Random Funnies Thread

Post by chalmers » Sun Mar 24, 2013 9:26 am

You need to zoom out and see the Lindt chocolate to the left of WW. Poor folks have the world working against them!

User avatar
dexter
Verified User
Verified User
Posts: 994
Joined: Fri Oct 28, 2011 11:59 am
Name: Phil
Location: Halifax

Re: Random Funnies Thread

Post by dexter » Sun Mar 24, 2013 10:03 am

My wife and I noticed the first time we ate at flip!

Post Reply

Return to “Off Topic”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests