Home of the BrewNosers

So I guess we all have to have a shitty brew day at least once in our careers, and it seems mine was today...

The Speaker of the House actually let me out of the nightly cleanup to put a batch of beer on to get ready for Super Bowl. "Score!" thinks I, but alas, my dream come true would soon become my nightmare...

To begin with, I overshot my mash-in temp, so I added cold water thinking I'll boil it off at the back end. The mash actually went according to plan, but really, what could go wrong? Well, you could realize that you probably added too much water and now your pre-boil SG is 1.025 instead of 1.040. FACK!

"That's ok, chive on!" I says. The boil goes pretty good, but I didn't recalculate the boil time to reach target SG, so now my additions are added too early. So now I'm left with a decision a) redesign the recipe to work midboil, or b) play jazz and chive on... I chose b.

So, the boil's done, and the immersion chiller's pumping along until I get distracted trying to wipe something up and the bucket the coolant outflow is dumping into begins to overflow onto the floor. Using my catlike reflexes I somehow avoid jumping into the keggle as I hurdle it and grab the flailing outlet hose as it coats the entire fucking room with a glazing of water. I put the outlet end in the sink and turn to go back to wiping the water up when the arsehole jumps out of the sink and flails all over the room again. I manage to pin it in the sink and resume my cooling whilst my socks begin to soak up the wetness from the floor.

"30*C, fucking cool enough for tonight!" and off I go to grab the santized carboy. When I walk back into the room and bend over to position the carboy under the outlet valve of the keggle, I hear a clank-splash as my cellphone drops into the fucking sink full of water... "COCK SUCKER!!!" can be heard from about a klick away, the wife wakes up and the baby begins crying...

"Might as well check the SG of this bitch", which I do and see I've gotten it to 1.037... target = 1.050... FML!

I think I'll donate this batch to the food bank

PS: the worst part... now I have to go clean my gear

oh man, I think we've all had those sort of days. So far my worst is having a relief valve go on the keg without a replacement and having to slug back more beers than I wanted to that night. Hope the beer still turns out for ya, and hopefully you have a free upgrade on your cell.

BTW thank you for the great laugh. Sure seems like you wrote it for us to enjoy.

At least now you'll have a session beer that you can think of many interesting names for!

Ouch, that really does sound the brewday from hell. Hope the cellphone and beer are salvageable!

Thanks guys. Don't worry it WILL be drank

I think it'll cost me $195 for a 'free' upgrade

I think I just might send this to the yeast wranglers competition and I'll call it "Broken Dome Cream Ale"

That's what you get for brewing without an "assistant". Serious;y though, I think it will be fine, just don't tell anyone it's a 3.5% beer and they won't notice

Yup, had those days...

Sent from my Nexus 4 using Tapatalk 4

You'll have to send this in to Basic Brewing Radio's brewing disasters which they do at the end of every year.

Sounds like it will be a nice Mild. Think of how many more of them you can have.

Sandy

Crazy! I'm sure it will get funnier and less frustrating each time you tell that story over a few brews.

Ouch. We've all had them go like that sometimes and it never fails to suck balls. Some of the beers I've been the happiest with have seemed to come from brew days like those.

JohnnyMac wrote:Some of the beers I've been the happiest with have seemed to come from brew days like those.

You mean because you overshot your OG by a ton right?

bluenose wrote:...The Speaker of the House...

Fricken hilarious! Sounds about right for my household...I've just abopted a new term of endearment!

James

Debriefing? ...What went wrong? How can we prevent this kind of thing happening to other Brewnosers? It doesn't sound like it was a morning brew without a coffee. Was it an evening brew without a beer?

Have you recovered sufficiently to return to active service?

James wrote:Fricken hilarious! Sounds about right for my household...I've just abopted a new term of endearment!

James

I can't take full credit. I stole it from an ol' timer on a motorcycle forum.

GuingesRock wrote:Debriefing? ...What went wrong? How can we prevent this kind of thing happening to other Brewnosers? It doesn't sound like it was a morning brew without a coffee. Was it an evening brew without a beer?

Have you recovered sufficiently to return to active service?

What went wrong? Did you read the original post? jk

It WAS an evening brew without beer... I think the doctor has given us the prescription.

Later that night, the cell phone woke itself up... I crapped my pants at first thinking Skynet had mobilized all the machines to kill us or someone had put a zombie curse on it. Now, it just keeps trying to turn it's volume all the way up without stopping. I can't do anything with it but listen to its incessant beeping.

It might just need reprogramming. If so, I highly recommend the Otter Box Defender I had the phone in. It's kinda like a maxipad for your phone: big and bulky, but it adds tons of protection.